Security - Part 5

Guarantees:

There are few guarantees in this world. "The only sure things are death and taxes" used to be the cliche. That's a bit cynical but with divorce and unemployment on the rise, certainly some certainties are becoming less so in our Western Society.

If you Google 'security', the first items that come up have to do with financial planning. We put a lot of emphasis on money matters and give a lot of attention to acquiring, earning and managing money.

In 1929 when the stock market crashed some people who were wealthy on paper became impoverished literally over night. Some of those people jumped out of windows to their death because they couldn't cope with their loss. Their security lay in their financial circumstances and when that security was lost they were devastated.

And yet I would like to suggest that if we feel secure in ourselves - with the sense of who we are - whatever surprises life may throw at us will be less of a challenge to navigate. Furthermore, the more confident we are in ourselves the better our relationships will be. We will be better able to express and to listen to others. And effective communication has certainly been seen as the root of relationship success.

How do we become more confident in ourselves?
By spending quality time alone, discovering what we value, hope for and want most out of life.
By taking responsibility when we make mistakes and forgiving others when they make theirs, becoming less judgmental, more accepting and more transparent.
By reaching out, helping others in need and receiving help when we need it.

When I look at who I was as a young woman, how much I craved love and affection and put my emphasis on my yearnings, my decisions revolved around other people and having them satisfy my needs. I made bad choices, particularly in romantic love, because I had a need to be met and all my attention was on finding fulfillment in that. What I've come to realize is that when I am willing to give up my ambition and focus on what others need, my life is full of love, joy and far more value than if I clung to that one desire above all else.

Once I recognized my desires but gave up searching for them and instead began to see others and their needs, I became much more confident, contented and fulfilled. The fact is, what we think we want and what we really need can be quite different. Once we surrender our wish list, we can get on with living -- giving and receiving life and it's opportunities. Then we become enriched by the ebb and flow of existence, where the guarantee is that there will always be challenges that enable us to grow in character, personality and self awareness.

As for me, the irony is that once I gave up pursuing romantic love, it found me. I think that, when we enjoy where we are, rather than exist to find what we think we want, life is more fulfilling and the things which need to be are more likely to come into being.

The road ahead may not be certain but when we are comfortable in our own skin, the journey is far more pleasant.

Road Ahead by Sarah Tun

May you enjoy your week. And remember, before too long, this blog will morph into LarusBlog, a part of my website. You will still receive email notification or Google+ postings as you are now. The look and organization will be a little bit different, but it'll still 'me', examining, sharing, flying through life.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Forgiveness - Conclusion (Part 8)

There are so many things that can be said about forgiveness.

I expect I could go on for many more weeks, discussing, explaining, citing examples. But I feel I've touched on enough to come to my point of raising the question: Why forgive? Why is it so important?

To me, it's alien not to forgive, but that in itself is only an aspect of my personality or an expression of opinion. I think there's far more value in forgiveness for all of us, that goes far deeper than a particular incident or relationship.

I believe we have an inner core. When we choose not to forgive, that inner core hardens.

We have a heart that is a piece of flesh that pumps blood through our systems. But I believe we also have a non-material 'heart' that defines who we are. There is a non-physical part of us, where we are vulnerable, sincere, genuine, the place in our being where what really matters to us resides. When we have been hurt we are understandably tempted to protect that inner core - it's only natural; we don't want to be hurt again. But in protecting that part of us that is so delicate, we can put up barriers to keep hurt out. In so doing, we also make it difficult for our true selves to live, breathe, express.

Apart from being unforgiving because we have been hurt, there is also the aspect that if another person has done wrong, he should face consequences. I believe this is true. But if those consequences includes our judging them, we are really hurting ourselves. I happen to read the Bible, where it says, 'don't judge or else you'll be judged.' I understand this to imply a few different things but the one thing I'll address here is this:

There is self-interest in forgiveness, maybe it's even selfish. Forgiveness is healthy.

When we forgive, we are letting go of an issue and living in the present rather than in the past. When we forgive, we are keeping ourselves soft so that our faith and trust in people can be restored through other - better - relationships. When we forgive, we place all of the judgment we are putting on the other person to the courts, or onto their own conscience. When we don't forgive the opposite is true: by keeping that antagonism alive, we are hardening ourselves.

It is ironic that when we are unforgiving we may think we are holding the other party to account for a wrongdoing. In actual fact, we are holding ourselves to account for the relationship and trapping ourselves in the past.

Forgiveness and trust are not the same. Forgiving someone doesn't mean we blindly trust them again. It does mean not personally holding them to account for what damaging thing they have said or done. It means not having expectations or demands or requests that they fulfill. Forgiveness sets us free from the one who has caused us hurt or pain.

Of course there is risk involved in forgiving and opening ourselves to the future. We may get hurt again, in fact, we can almost guarantee that we will. But we will be wiser from the experience, and not fall as hard the next time. Trying to prevent being hurt again by holding on to the anger or bitterness will prevent joy as well.

I spoke last week about my mother, who died of cancer. She was a person who was deeply disappointed in me and in many aspects of life. She was, in many ways, a bitter person, because she was unforgiving. Unforgiveness is a kind of cancer. I'm not saying that cancer is caused by a lack of forgiveness and I'm not saying that by practicing forgiveness you can prevent cancer. But I do believe that had my mother been a forgiving person, she may have been a healthier person, not only emotionally but physically as well.

"The Sound of Silence" is a song from the sixties, by Simon and Garfunkel. In that song is the line, 'Silence like a cancer grows'. The silence between people, when hurt and blame have occurred, grows. And in that growth, we can so easily nurture our hurt and feed our blame. It is so much healthier to give that pain and blame away, so that it doesn't feed on us anymore.

So, what do we do if we choose to forgive? Where do we send our pain? How do we express the forgiveness? Sometimes it isn't even possible to speak or to write to the person who has hurt us. Sometimes it is unwise to confront them, as they could harm us.

Just as we choose to forgive to set ourselves free, we live through the pain - the temporary pain - in order to heal. And we do heal, so that life can continue in all its richness. That's what I believe. It's what I try to practice. I've been hurt, but I've been healed. And life continues to be rich and full of hope. For me it's been a journey. But one I wouldn't trade.

Next time I'll start a new series, about Insecurity. Because in my case, through the experiences I lived combined with the sort of person I am, I developed insecurities from a young age. In order to find the richness and hope that life has to offer, I have chosen to face them and have overcome.

Until next Thursday....


Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.