Fear... not - Part 1

Nothing to Fear

Invisible. I like to be invisible. And yet, as a writer, I want my words to be heard, considered, quoted, remembered. I hide behind words, my identity wrapped in my thoughts but my body preferably secluded from show. Odd that I used to be an actress. Or perhaps not so odd, as I quit.

Seeking Reflection by Sarah Tun

Invisibility is, perhaps, a bi-product of fear. I prefer my own company out of habit, having chosen a profession that requires vast amounts of time in solitude in order to perfect the writing craft, and complete projects that, for the most part, are one-person jobs.

I like the company of friends; I even enjoy large gatherings from time to time. I'm not afraid of people, per se, though I do shy away from superficial conversation as I find myself self conscious and awkward with silences. But I am immobilized by fear, from time to time, challenged by change - the unknown - whether it's a new project (or digging deeper into one I'm working on) or facing new people.

Then I remember I have nothing to fear. Nothing to fear.

The opposite of fear is not courage. The opposite of fear is love. When we focus on fear, we do become immobilized. But when we focus on love, there is nothing we won't do to accomplish the task, as we are motivated by the desire to display or convey love to the person or situation we need to face. Love conquers all fear. Perfect love casts out all fear. When we love, whatever challenges we may face - real or imagined - become surmountable, necessarily because we need to show our love. Love is the motivating factor that enables us to face our fear and to overcome it.

So, as I sit by my computer, recognizing I need to go a lot deeper into a particular project (currently it's a novel I'm working on), I fear - failure, the unknown, success. But as I remember the people for whom I am writing, ministering, praying for - the audience I know needs to hear the voice of my character and read the thoughts and insights I want to convey - I overcome the immobilization I want to hide behind, and I begin to dig. I dig, not for fame or finance, nor for personal achievement. These motivators are not enough to enable me to take a risk, to face my fear. The one motivator that engages me to look into the mirror, and to overcome what holds me back, is love.

This is the first in a series about fear - identifying it, facing it, overcoming it.
I hope you'll also sign up for my signature newsletter, Soaring Post, through my website: www.LarusPress.com. The newsletter is free, weekly and particularly palatable and nutritious for Christians seeking to discover their purpose or deepen their identity in Christ.

Love Hearts by Sarah Tun

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Security - Part 5

Guarantees:

There are few guarantees in this world. "The only sure things are death and taxes" used to be the cliche. That's a bit cynical but with divorce and unemployment on the rise, certainly some certainties are becoming less so in our Western Society.

If you Google 'security', the first items that come up have to do with financial planning. We put a lot of emphasis on money matters and give a lot of attention to acquiring, earning and managing money.

In 1929 when the stock market crashed some people who were wealthy on paper became impoverished literally over night. Some of those people jumped out of windows to their death because they couldn't cope with their loss. Their security lay in their financial circumstances and when that security was lost they were devastated.

And yet I would like to suggest that if we feel secure in ourselves - with the sense of who we are - whatever surprises life may throw at us will be less of a challenge to navigate. Furthermore, the more confident we are in ourselves the better our relationships will be. We will be better able to express and to listen to others. And effective communication has certainly been seen as the root of relationship success.

How do we become more confident in ourselves?
By spending quality time alone, discovering what we value, hope for and want most out of life.
By taking responsibility when we make mistakes and forgiving others when they make theirs, becoming less judgmental, more accepting and more transparent.
By reaching out, helping others in need and receiving help when we need it.

When I look at who I was as a young woman, how much I craved love and affection and put my emphasis on my yearnings, my decisions revolved around other people and having them satisfy my needs. I made bad choices, particularly in romantic love, because I had a need to be met and all my attention was on finding fulfillment in that. What I've come to realize is that when I am willing to give up my ambition and focus on what others need, my life is full of love, joy and far more value than if I clung to that one desire above all else.

Once I recognized my desires but gave up searching for them and instead began to see others and their needs, I became much more confident, contented and fulfilled. The fact is, what we think we want and what we really need can be quite different. Once we surrender our wish list, we can get on with living -- giving and receiving life and it's opportunities. Then we become enriched by the ebb and flow of existence, where the guarantee is that there will always be challenges that enable us to grow in character, personality and self awareness.

As for me, the irony is that once I gave up pursuing romantic love, it found me. I think that, when we enjoy where we are, rather than exist to find what we think we want, life is more fulfilling and the things which need to be are more likely to come into being.

The road ahead may not be certain but when we are comfortable in our own skin, the journey is far more pleasant.

Road Ahead by Sarah Tun

May you enjoy your week. And remember, before too long, this blog will morph into LarusBlog, a part of my website. You will still receive email notification or Google+ postings as you are now. The look and organization will be a little bit different, but it'll still 'me', examining, sharing, flying through life.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Mid Life Crisis - Part 7

Eureka!

There have been numerous gold rushes - in California, in the Klondike, for example. When gold was found, the miner would shout for joy: "Eureka!"

Today, I have discovered gold. Though not metallic, it's every bit as precious. I have discovered my limitations, and so I have discovered Truth.

I cannot save anyone. I know this. In principle, I've known this in my head for a long time, and yet today I have realized that I've made choices as though I believed I could. All my aspirations have been to make a difference in this world, to have the opportunity to speak into the conditions this world is under and to encourage people. But I've made the mistake of thinking the message was mine to deliver, and in the delivering of it, people would be rescued from despair.

Recently, I hit a crisis point when I discovered I could not fulfill my aspirations. I was struck by my own limitations. I thought the reason I was failing might be because I lacked the necessary skill, education and/or talent to do it. Or that the choices I'd made as a young adult were misdirected, and had taken me away from the optimal career that would provide a platform for my message.

I have indeed made a fundamental mistake, but it was not in the choice of education that put limits on my advancement. No. The mistake I've made, and I've made it over and over again, was to think that I could modify the message, to stylize it, to be creative with it, when it wasn't for me to do. Because it isn't my message to begin with.

I truly believe that if we have a desire in our hearts it can be realized. But this hasn't happened for me, and I'm not getting any younger! Finally, about a month ago, I stopped. I just stopped! The personal frustration and disappointment over my lack of breakthrough caused me to stop the pursuit and wait. Broken, it has been all I could do to get up in the morning and go through a routine, love my family and wait.

Now, after soul searching, prayer and fasting, I finally understand what the block has been: Me. I've been getting in my own way.

The truth is that I have aspired to save the world when I know there is only one who can save it.
I have lived as though the vision, perception, mission within me was there for me to adapt, weave and make attractive through theatrics, storytelling or personal disclosure, when in fact these were all thinly disguised strategies to satisfy my ego. I've known in my head I can't save anyone, but it didn't stop me from trying. And that has been my Wall.

Now, suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle have suddenly come together! I've tried in many ways to live out my purpose in life, for I do believe we all are created for a unique purpose. I aspired to be known so that I would have the opportunity to share, and so to spare others some of the hardships I've endured. But that which has been my motivation has also been my hindrance. I have been motivated to do this myself, to show I have purpose. Yes, I have wanted to save others from themselves as I've been saved. But my strategy has involved my ego. My ego has been at odds with my aim.

Now, I choose to drop the ego. Ironically, it is only in this that I have any chance to achieve the purpose for which I have been born.

Jesus had no ego. I cannot save anyone, but Jesus can.

My motive operand has been to take what I know, what I see, what I see will come into being, and translate it into something more creative, more palatable, more accessible. You know what? I can't. I've tried. But I have limitations. And the kernel of my limitations is not my creativity, not my education, not even my calling. No. My limitations are that I am human and that I have striven to accomplish the divine.

And God forgives me. That's what I believe. He saved me from myself long before I realized all the nooks and crannies of my self-centered self. And He has saved others too. (It sounds pat and I don't mean it to. Honestly, I know I'm forgiven for my ego and for my weaknesses. I'm grateful for that. It means I don't have to berate myself and I can look ahead to see what's over the horizon. At least, after some weeks of seeing no horizon, I know there is one and in that is my hope.)

The piece of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I have to share is how incredibly generous the salvation actually is. It's so generous in fact that it goes beyond the boundaries of life and death, to freedom, creativity and an existence full of joy, peace, love, goodness, kindness, gentleness, patience, faith and self-control, so that we don't have to feel miserable about our little lives and our big mistakes, but we can celebrate all we are and all He has put in us to be.

That's the message. I'm the vehicle. But it isn't up to me to disguise it. Someone else may have that calling, but mine is to tell it like it is, and to encourage people to trust in Him and learn He made us to be creative, purposeful and free to be just who He created us to be.

"Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." Bible, John 8:36 (New King James translation)

Free from my ego, I can begin to piece together the message I've got to deliver. It may not be in the funky, creative narrative I hoped it would be, but if my heart's desire is truly to  make a difference by encouraging others to break free of whatever holds them back, then I've got some of the information they need and the manifesto under which to do it.

Will you listen and take note? Or will you be offended? (I don't want to offend but I guess, even more, I want to deliver the message I've got, to whomever will notice even at a risk.)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Bible, Proverbs 3:5-6).

It's time I trusted Him for the desires of my heart to be realized, and not let my head get completely in the way!

For those for whom the Christ-walk is a part of their lives already or for whom it holds interest, I refer you to my other (a WordPress) blog: Life from the Lighthouse where on 1st January I wrote about "The Ultimate Goal".

As for Mid Life Crisis, while mid life carries on, the crisis may be over. I'm not sure what will appear next Thursday but so long as life and health continue, I'll be posting here again. In the meantime, may your life sparkle with the hope of the coming year. Happy 2014!

Sparkles on Christmas Day by Sarah Tun

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Desires of the Heart

In this the last post for the "Heart Series" I'd like to begin with this quotation from the Bible:

"He will give you the desires of your heart." Does that mean I am guaranteed that whatever I want I will get? Or if I do not get 'it' does that prove there is no God, or that if He does exist, He's a liar?

The whole of the quote from Psalm 37 goes like this,

"Delight yourself also in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."

So, the receiving of the desires depends on my delighting Him. Hmm, how I do that must be somewhere in the Bible too? I suppose "Love your neighbour as yourself" might be instruction as a means to that delighting. But having the desires must surely depend on my asking or at least knowing what those desires are. Here I must confess that personally, I've had a rather poor track record of knowing - never mind telling - "What I really, really want" (anyone out there a SPICE GIRLS fan?)

What ARE the desires of my heart? Are desires the same as what I want? My ambitions? My goals?

I think that my desires are not really my hopes for notoriety or privacy, for money or acclaim. I think the desires of anyone's heart are less about the tangible rewards of a job well done and more about the people we touch or are touched by. I used to think to have a successful acting career was my desire or what I longed for. But now I see that relationship - love for family and friends, desire to have people close to me, to share thoughts, hopes, fantasies and the regular ups-and-downs of life - is what really matters to me. I wonder for those who say their heart's desire is fame, if behind that want is the need to be loved or to prove to someone 'I am worthy'? I think sometimes we want to please the voices in our heads, voices of people we want to impress or satisfy or prove something to. But is that a desire of our heart? I think not.

In addition to quality relationships, another thing that matters to me is to have a creative outlet. That's why I write. I blog to get folks to hear about my writing, and to build on-line relationships as well. And I write to convey my passions: my God, my values, my quirks and creativity. I try to create characters that have some of the same questions I've had, the same needs and shortcomings that we all wrestle with, and the same demons. I hope my insights will touch others and make this life journey a little clearer for readers. In that sense then, a deep desire in my heart is to make a positive difference to others through my writing.

So, I write and my desire is to have people read what I write. Even my writing is linked to building relationships. To make a living from it would be wonderful, but I do it anyway. If I delight my God, and it is my passion to earn a living from it, then earn a living from my writing I will. But I've lived long enough now to know, that if it isn't my heart's desire, if it isn't a deep-seated need, then I need not focus on it but know Him'll sort me out. You see I've had desires fulfilled that I thought were impossible to be fulfilled, and others I didn't even recognize were within me. I would say I'm blessed indeed that we don't necessarily have to articulate our desires in order to receive them.

We don't always know what we desire or if we do we don't know how to get it. When I was younger, I wanted to find someone I could love forever, and marry. Only after I 'gave up hope' did I finally find my dear husband. I thought I never wanted a child. But now I have a child and he is the greatest source of joy, hope, discovery and creativity I have. I never imagined I would write; journal writing was a very private hobby. Now I have one book published and it has received very good feedback:
http://bit.ly/VQDs1k
And this blog is one of three and is perhaps the most reminiscent of my journal writing.

Others:

http://www.laruspressupwithlife.blogspot.ca/

https://www.lifefromthelighthouse.wordpress.com/

But none of this was planned or even conscious. My life, along with the fulfillment of the desires of my heart, have manifested more in spite of myself than because of me. I think I was protected against myself. If I'd had what I thought I wanted, by now I'd probably be a lonely public figure. Instead, I am obscure but steady, secure, at peace with myself and loved for - and in spite of - myself.

The desires of my heart have been met and I am grateful.

What matters most to you? Being honest with ourselves is the key to knowing what to ask for, how to go after it, or how to receive it when it is offered.

Until next time ... Thursday 14th March... may you have a lovely time with yourself and those closest to you.