Security - Part 5

Guarantees:

There are few guarantees in this world. "The only sure things are death and taxes" used to be the cliche. That's a bit cynical but with divorce and unemployment on the rise, certainly some certainties are becoming less so in our Western Society.

If you Google 'security', the first items that come up have to do with financial planning. We put a lot of emphasis on money matters and give a lot of attention to acquiring, earning and managing money.

In 1929 when the stock market crashed some people who were wealthy on paper became impoverished literally over night. Some of those people jumped out of windows to their death because they couldn't cope with their loss. Their security lay in their financial circumstances and when that security was lost they were devastated.

And yet I would like to suggest that if we feel secure in ourselves - with the sense of who we are - whatever surprises life may throw at us will be less of a challenge to navigate. Furthermore, the more confident we are in ourselves the better our relationships will be. We will be better able to express and to listen to others. And effective communication has certainly been seen as the root of relationship success.

How do we become more confident in ourselves?
By spending quality time alone, discovering what we value, hope for and want most out of life.
By taking responsibility when we make mistakes and forgiving others when they make theirs, becoming less judgmental, more accepting and more transparent.
By reaching out, helping others in need and receiving help when we need it.

When I look at who I was as a young woman, how much I craved love and affection and put my emphasis on my yearnings, my decisions revolved around other people and having them satisfy my needs. I made bad choices, particularly in romantic love, because I had a need to be met and all my attention was on finding fulfillment in that. What I've come to realize is that when I am willing to give up my ambition and focus on what others need, my life is full of love, joy and far more value than if I clung to that one desire above all else.

Once I recognized my desires but gave up searching for them and instead began to see others and their needs, I became much more confident, contented and fulfilled. The fact is, what we think we want and what we really need can be quite different. Once we surrender our wish list, we can get on with living -- giving and receiving life and it's opportunities. Then we become enriched by the ebb and flow of existence, where the guarantee is that there will always be challenges that enable us to grow in character, personality and self awareness.

As for me, the irony is that once I gave up pursuing romantic love, it found me. I think that, when we enjoy where we are, rather than exist to find what we think we want, life is more fulfilling and the things which need to be are more likely to come into being.

The road ahead may not be certain but when we are comfortable in our own skin, the journey is far more pleasant.

Road Ahead by Sarah Tun

May you enjoy your week. And remember, before too long, this blog will morph into LarusBlog, a part of my website. You will still receive email notification or Google+ postings as you are now. The look and organization will be a little bit different, but it'll still 'me', examining, sharing, flying through life.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

My "Perfect" Life - part 23

My husband, A, has an interest in cars that have exceptional design.

A found this old-model Bentley and loved it dearly. Mr B was a well-loved if not a perfectly reliable vehicle that took our family on pleasant weekend outings from time to time, until we moved from the UK and left Mr B behind. We had many relaxing conversations in Mr B while driving over country roads, and on one or two occasions, while we waited for the AA to give us a jump start.

Mr Bentley by Sarah Tun

A's car featured in the early days of our relationship too. On one particular occasion I made a  confession that led to a life-changing decision while we were talking in his car... I remember it was a very warm day in May and the car was a 1990 navy Rover 4 door sedan (Brits will know it). This car was the setting for a pivotal conversation we had before we began to date officially.

A was asking me why, after some months of solid friendship and obvious attraction, I would not go out with him.

I was in love with this man who wanted to date me, but I had a dilemma, which I allowed to swim inside my head for some time before openly admitting my reason for hesitating.

Two significant relationships I'd had with two different men I'd dated years earlier, had each ended badly. But it wasn't the break-ups that were the key to my refusing to date A. The other two men had one thing in common - they were born under the same birth sign. Both relationships ended rather bitterly, leaving me quite 'raw'. But more relevant to the day in May in the Rover was that I had determined I'd never date another man under that sign.

Fast forward from the decade of broken relationships one and two, to the decade that brought us to the day in the Rover. You have guessed what the birth sign was of the man sitting next to me... Well, actually the sign isn't what matters but rather, the fact that it was the same sign as the sign the men from the previous two soured relationships had shared.

A had been the kindest  man I'd ever met, and considerate, and patient. He was intelligent, well-spoken and polite. He was handsome. And I loved him. But, when push came to shove (figuratively speaking), and he asked me - point blank - why I refused to go out with him, I had to confess to myself, and eventually to admit to him, that it was only because of his birth sign.

Now, some people may make major relationship decisions based on this factor alone, but for me, I knew deep down I was assessing this man's suitability, not based on his character or my attraction to him, but simply based on his zodiac sign, and I knew that wasn't right. Did I ask myself how I'd ended up loving another man under the same birth sign? Indeed I did. But I knew the answer wasn't that I'd made a mistake. Rather, as I sat in that car, with the sun warm around me and with a slight breeze filtering through the open windows, I knew I had been given an opportunity through meeting A, not only to find a mate for life, but also an opportunity to overcome prejudice and fear and pain from the past. I knew I must not make a decision based on fear or previous poor choices, but that now life offered me an opportunity to overcome the past and to learn to allow myself to love, irrespective of fear or superstition or predetermination.

It took a while for me to admit to myself - and even longer to admit to A - that the overriding factor for my hesitation was a zodiac prejudice, not a lack of compatibility or trustworthiness. But once I did admit it, I had a free path ahead of me, with one simple question to answer: Do I stick to my promise to myself or do I revise my thinking given these new circumstances?

Once I'd been truthful about my reason for hesitating, the reason no longer had a power of its own. It became easy for me to make a wise decision. The truth really did set me free that day... free to make a life-changing decision that allowed me to move forward with the man I loved and who loved me.

Twenty years on, the car has changed (again) but the quality of the man has not. I am thankful I had to face my fears, overcome my past and risk moving into a future which proved to be filled with all the joy... frustration, inconvenience and challenge... of marriage that I've been fortunate to experienced.

Did the three men have similar qualities in their personalities? Definitely. But whether that was due to their all being men or all being men born under the same birth sign, I do not know. What I do know is the man I married has quality character, and that has made all the difference.