Security - Part 5

Guarantees:

There are few guarantees in this world. "The only sure things are death and taxes" used to be the cliche. That's a bit cynical but with divorce and unemployment on the rise, certainly some certainties are becoming less so in our Western Society.

If you Google 'security', the first items that come up have to do with financial planning. We put a lot of emphasis on money matters and give a lot of attention to acquiring, earning and managing money.

In 1929 when the stock market crashed some people who were wealthy on paper became impoverished literally over night. Some of those people jumped out of windows to their death because they couldn't cope with their loss. Their security lay in their financial circumstances and when that security was lost they were devastated.

And yet I would like to suggest that if we feel secure in ourselves - with the sense of who we are - whatever surprises life may throw at us will be less of a challenge to navigate. Furthermore, the more confident we are in ourselves the better our relationships will be. We will be better able to express and to listen to others. And effective communication has certainly been seen as the root of relationship success.

How do we become more confident in ourselves?
By spending quality time alone, discovering what we value, hope for and want most out of life.
By taking responsibility when we make mistakes and forgiving others when they make theirs, becoming less judgmental, more accepting and more transparent.
By reaching out, helping others in need and receiving help when we need it.

When I look at who I was as a young woman, how much I craved love and affection and put my emphasis on my yearnings, my decisions revolved around other people and having them satisfy my needs. I made bad choices, particularly in romantic love, because I had a need to be met and all my attention was on finding fulfillment in that. What I've come to realize is that when I am willing to give up my ambition and focus on what others need, my life is full of love, joy and far more value than if I clung to that one desire above all else.

Once I recognized my desires but gave up searching for them and instead began to see others and their needs, I became much more confident, contented and fulfilled. The fact is, what we think we want and what we really need can be quite different. Once we surrender our wish list, we can get on with living -- giving and receiving life and it's opportunities. Then we become enriched by the ebb and flow of existence, where the guarantee is that there will always be challenges that enable us to grow in character, personality and self awareness.

As for me, the irony is that once I gave up pursuing romantic love, it found me. I think that, when we enjoy where we are, rather than exist to find what we think we want, life is more fulfilling and the things which need to be are more likely to come into being.

The road ahead may not be certain but when we are comfortable in our own skin, the journey is far more pleasant.

Road Ahead by Sarah Tun

May you enjoy your week. And remember, before too long, this blog will morph into LarusBlog, a part of my website. You will still receive email notification or Google+ postings as you are now. The look and organization will be a little bit different, but it'll still 'me', examining, sharing, flying through life.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

(In) Security - Part 2

Do I recognize Insecurity in myself?

The funny thing about insecurity is that it can be latent, buried under our every day interaction with others, and we may not even realize we live with it.

How many times have you seen someone dress or behave in a way you 'wish you could but don't dare?' Or have you never been concerned about someone else's impression of you, so that you behaved in a manner different from what seemed organic to you? I think most of us do modify our behaviour for the sake of the company we are in. Sometimes that's appropriate, like taking into account we are with elders, so we defer to them or behave in a more formal way. But sometimes containing our real thoughts or impulses is stifling and unnecessary, but we do it because we feel fearful or intimidated.

I strongly believe we are meant to live our lives in a state of peace, safe and confident within ourselves. And I suspect many of us appear far more confident to others than we feel inside of ourselves. (I've often been surprised when someone has commented on my 'obvious confidence' when actually I felt more like a jittery mass of formless goo than a pillar of strength.) I am motivated to write about insecurity because, for me at least, understanding the 'why's' of an issue or problem is half way to overcoming it. And I'd like every one to feel as secure as they are meant to be.

When I wrote my first draft of my first piece of non-fiction, originally entitled FIGHT INSECURITY AND WIN! I asked a friend if she'd read it with the view to having her endorse the book. She read it, she endorsed it. But what amazed us both was that she said until she had read the book, she hadn't realized she wrestled with insecurity personally.

Isn't that neat?

I'd asked a woman I'd known for years, a director of an organization and a manager of many people, if she'd read and endorse a book about overcoming insecurity, and when she read it, she discovered the subject was currently relevant to her personally. I find that exciting.

"Peace in this fast-paced and competitive world is desirable but rare. There are different kinds of peace -- peace from war, peace with neighbours, internal peace. The type of peace I refer to is peace of mind, which is anxiety's opposite. To be free from worry is to have peace." (from Preface, FREE TO BE: Defeating Insecurity, Transforming Relationships, Building Character by yours truly, aka Sarah Tun, in conjunction with Essence Publishing, Belleville, Ontario, Canada (c) 2012.

So, those of you who read this blog weekly, perhaps you'll think of friends, relatives or yourself as one who would benefit from journeying though your past and present, to ensure your future is full of peace. For some it may be usual, for others rare. But it is my hope that as we journey through this life, we grow to accept ourselves more and find greater and deeper peace as we do.

I had a nice break last week, but it's good to be back! Until next week, may you be very much enriched with each new experience.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Real Love - My "Perfect" Life - Part 21

Life is long... and lovely. For me it has been a privilege to experience pain and growth. It makes me value what is good in life so much more.

I've written about my upbringing - an ideal circumstance with less than ideal family relationships, not entirely broken but not particularly perfect either. I doubt there is much perfection this side of heaven, but in my case, a distant and disconnected nuclear family made life less than "warm and fuzzy" for me at home.

My life, in its twists and turns, has had golden moments, stunning opportunities and incredible surprises. Much of that began after I met my husband.

When I was 31 I moved to England to study... back up actually to mid twenties when, as a teacher, I made friends with a male university student. We weren't close but we made a good connection. There was no romance but mutual respect and we shared our Faith. There was another distinct feature about him which was that he was Canadian oriental. I lived in a very WASP - white Anglo Saxon (ie of British descent) protestant - community, not by preference but by geography, so I'd never met an oriental person before.

One evening, after he'd been for dinner at my place, I wondered why we were friends. I hadn't thought to ask him outright, but I did pray about it after he'd left.

As answer, I distinctly remember - and this is going back twenty-five years - having an absolutely knowing within me. The clear impression was, 'because one day you will marry an oriental and this is to help you to prepare.'

Fast forward to England and 5 days after moving there I went to church with the family I was staying with temporarily. I was introduced to someone who was looking for a lodger.

The instant I met A I knew I'd met my husband; he was Chinese-looking (he's actually Burmese). But though I had nothing against getting married eventually, I did an emotional runner (away) at that same precise moment. Because what I saw clearly in this attractive man was vulnerability. I immediately mistook the vulnerability for neediness, and I didn't want to cope with a man who was insecure.

But while I was mistaken about his insecurity or neediness, I was not mistaken about his vulnerability. I'd learn soon enough that he'd just gone through a divorce and, naturally, it had hit him hard.

First impressions are, fortunately, not impossible to erase. That man became my friend (I did not become his lodger however) and showed me kindness I had never experienced in my life. As way leads on to way, we eventually fell in love and got married. Therein lies a whole lot of other stories, which I may or may not write about... But my point here is that, I while was prepared for cultural changes and surprises, I was less prepared for love.

My "Perfect" Life is far from perfect, but allowing myself to do a U-turn on my initial impression of A turned my life around from a mediocre life of basic self-sufficiency, to one of hope and joy and love. For me, meeting A caused me to change for the better. And that change has made all the difference.

Until next time, next Thursday, may you see U-turns in your life that make it rosier!!

Gareth Johnson, Photographer