Welcome to A Life Examined

What is the examined life? A life worth living! As I look at the road ahead, I take all the baggage from the past and use it as experience - the pain and the passion, the sorrow and the joy - allowing it to carve wisdom into my mind and hope into my spirit.
There is no experience that can't be useful to me at some point in my life. There is no lesson learned that cannot make a contribution to the future.
A tiny drop of water is a part of the ocean. A tiny speck in the night sky is a ginormous star in the distance. It all depends on perspective.
So, this examined life is to offer reflections in the hope of discussing things which are of value to myself and to others.
Love, Sarah

Thursday, 12 September 2013

My "Perfect" Life - part 15

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

I've always enjoyed male friends. When I was twelve, my best friend was a boy. And I had crushes on boys too, from time to time, my first being Robbie at age six. The winter of grade seven, I remember I had a 'boyfriend', which means we held hands when we, along with several other friends, went skating together. We never saw each other or spoke to each other outside of these experiences. Although there was a mutual attraction, there wasn't really a relationship. So, I was fourteen when I had my first real boyfriend, an exclusive relationship with mutual interest, on-going communication and planned meetings.

This first love was B. B if you're reading this, I look back on my young love for you with appreciation and fondness. I wish you well, wherever and whoever you are now.

I noticed B at school during the spring of grade nine. I guess we knew who each other was in the rag tag-mixed bag of school, but we weren't in the same class, and had met when a group of us would hang around after school in the building. I think of it now and expect that unsupervised groups are probably not allowed. But back then we'd do our homework, hang out and caused no one any harm. I vaguely remember thinking he was a good looking guy and although he was only fourteen, he was over 6' tall. But we didn't personally have any relationship at all, until a chance meeting precipitated it....

One random school evening, a girl friend and I were cycling near our high school (which was not in our neighbourhood). It was May, I had a new 10-speed bike and life was simple and easy. One of us noticed a pathway and said, "Let's go down here." Curious, we both rode down the unfamiliar pathway, and at the other end, there was another street. Suddenly B appeared. Like me, he was with a friend of his.

'What are you doing here?' I think I asked.

'I live here,' he answered.

I thought that coincidence was pretty cool, because by now I really liked him... enough to feel awkward and really want to spend time with him and get to know him.

And although I genuinely had no idea where the guy lived, no one else believed me when, the next day, it was a bit of gossip that B and I had gotten together.

A most poignant moment in that budding relationship was on a day when, after school, B offered me a present: it was the hollow of a broken ball point pen. He said something like, "Here, this is for you."
I took it, said 'thanks' and he turned around and said out loud to no one, "She took it!"

I didn't get why he was so excited, and I probably even thought he was joking, but I did take that pen frame and I think I kept it for some years afterward.

Boys are sweet. B had quite a reputation with girls, before I knew him. But he was sincere, polite, never pushy.... and a good kisser with me. It 'cost' me a lot to date him, because of his reputation. But we were totally innocent and genuinely caring about each other, of that I am sure.

I think kids are innocent. Circumstances can bring them to lose that innocence prematurely. In my case, this first love is worth remembering fondly, and I'm grateful for the first experience as one worth sharing.
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