Mid Life Crisis - Part 6

Writing:

Alan Tun 'wife working'

The single most purposeful thing I've spent the last decade or so on, apart from raising my son, has been my writing. Lately, I've been driving down a road of 'whether-or-not-to-continue' which is what has sparked this mid life crisis series. Recently, I had the blessing of a head-on collision with reality through a series of encounters including excellent tutorials and a couple of private sessions with a kind, learned professor. Thank you, Tim!

I have some talent. I have discovered that to tap that talent and create truly meaningful stories - and what is the point of doing anything less - will take me far more time and much more emotional commitment than I ever imagined. And much more time than I have the head space or real time to commit.

Yet, what is the point of learning if we don't apply? Well, I can apply this reality in one of three ways: I can ignore it and continue to write superficial work that will influence no one. That would be hobby.
I can stop writing fiction as I've not got the time to commit properly. Or I can persevere in light of this new information and eek out the opportunities to write whenever I can. Many other authors start out that way. I love learning. It would be difficult for me to "give up" the last option.

I've been privileged to get out one book (Free To Be) as a full time writer. I'm thankful for that. But that is a very different sort of book. If I want to write, publish and develop an audience through fiction, I'm going to have to do things differently from now on.

Reflecting on last week's post, Brokenness, I realize I have nothing to prove. Though it is possible to ignore that lesson and to persevere in the manner I've been living my life until recently, using whatever tool I can to make my mark in this world, I realize that I'm not an experienced enough fiction writer to create something special enough to achieve what I'd really like to achieve. Ground-breaking fiction for people who will be forever changed in their thinking about themselves, their purpose and the reason for which they were put on this earth, is what I really want to write.

But even more, ground-breaking ideas and opportunities to influence positively, is really what I'm all about. So, I have some decisions to make.

At this time of year, we tend to use year end to make resolutions, commit our direction to new or confirmed pathways. I'm not ready to do that. But what I am able to say is that, whatever path has been set for me, I'm willing to travel. I trust it will be one of interest and usefulness. I hope it will make a contribution to the world. I know it will be of some service to someone. And in that, this wrestling soul finds peace.

I wish you the very best for this new year that is soon to be upon us. May 2014 be a shade brighter, more hopeful and dedicated to serving others more than ourselves.

Until next Thursday, and next year!

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
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My "Perfect" Life - part 15

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

I've always enjoyed male friends. When I was twelve, my best friend was a boy. And I had crushes on boys too, from time to time, my first being Robbie at age six. The winter of grade seven, I remember I had a 'boyfriend', which means we held hands when we, along with several other friends, went skating together. We never saw each other or spoke to each other outside of these experiences. Although there was a mutual attraction, there wasn't really a relationship. So, I was fourteen when I had my first real boyfriend, an exclusive relationship with mutual interest, on-going communication and planned meetings.

This first love was B. B if you're reading this, I look back on my young love for you with appreciation and fondness. I wish you well, wherever and whoever you are now.

I noticed B at school during the spring of grade nine. I guess we knew who each other was in the rag tag-mixed bag of school, but we weren't in the same class, and had met when a group of us would hang around after school in the building. I think of it now and expect that unsupervised groups are probably not allowed. But back then we'd do our homework, hang out and caused no one any harm. I vaguely remember thinking he was a good looking guy and although he was only fourteen, he was over 6' tall. But we didn't personally have any relationship at all, until a chance meeting precipitated it....

One random school evening, a girl friend and I were cycling near our high school (which was not in our neighbourhood). It was May, I had a new 10-speed bike and life was simple and easy. One of us noticed a pathway and said, "Let's go down here." Curious, we both rode down the unfamiliar pathway, and at the other end, there was another street. Suddenly B appeared. Like me, he was with a friend of his.

'What are you doing here?' I think I asked.

'I live here,' he answered.

I thought that coincidence was pretty cool, because by now I really liked him... enough to feel awkward and really want to spend time with him and get to know him.

And although I genuinely had no idea where the guy lived, no one else believed me when, the next day, it was a bit of gossip that B and I had gotten together.

A most poignant moment in that budding relationship was on a day when, after school, B offered me a present: it was the hollow of a broken ball point pen. He said something like, "Here, this is for you."
I took it, said 'thanks' and he turned around and said out loud to no one, "She took it!"

I didn't get why he was so excited, and I probably even thought he was joking, but I did take that pen frame and I think I kept it for some years afterward.

Boys are sweet. B had quite a reputation with girls, before I knew him. But he was sincere, polite, never pushy.... and a good kisser with me. It 'cost' me a lot to date him, because of his reputation. But we were totally innocent and genuinely caring about each other, of that I am sure.

I think kids are innocent. Circumstances can bring them to lose that innocence prematurely. In my case, this first love is worth remembering fondly, and I'm grateful for the first experience as one worth sharing.