Welcome to A Life Examined

What is the examined life? A life worth living! As I look at the road ahead, I take all the baggage from the past and use it as experience - the pain and the passion, the sorrow and the joy - allowing it to carve wisdom into my mind and hope into my spirit.
There is no experience that can't be useful to me at some point in my life. There is no lesson learned that cannot make a contribution to the future.
A tiny drop of water is a part of the ocean. A tiny speck in the night sky is a ginormous star in the distance. It all depends on perspective.
So, this examined life is to offer reflections in the hope of discussing things which are of value to myself and to others.
Love, Sarah

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Mid Life Crisis - Part 3

I love electric blankets, especially the bed-sized fitted electric heating pads that lie underneath your fitted sheet (what is the formal name of this do-dad??) - so I can sit on top of the warmth.

On grey days, when the world is dull and I just want to crawl into bed and feel cozy, when I want to hide from the pressures of the day and to ignore my 'to do' list for a little while, I love to cuddle myself inside my bedsheets and stare out the window. It makes me feel at peace, regardless of whatever turmoil I may be experiencing.

Personally, to gaze out of my window is a particular blessing; my view looks out onto Lake Ontario.

Isn't there something so soothing about gazing at the movement of a body of water? It's never boring! And even if I were to sit for hours - which I never do - I'd feel like I was accomplishing something because even if I'm not moving, the water is. It seems as though action is being carried out, even though it may only be the illusion caused by the ebb and flow of water.

Actually there is an achievement that comes with sitting, looking, pondering; the achievement is embodied in the feeling of peace, calm, quiet that brings rejuvenation. Rest without sleep is beautiful, although perhaps it could be more highly profiled as a healthy habit to practice in our busy lives.

And who is to say I'm meant to achieve anything anyway?

Oops! Again, I've struck on my crisis point: that thought that my life is turning a page and I've not been able to accomplish enough in the First Act - or Three - and now time is marching on.

I believe there was someone - centuries ago - who had the ambition to read every book in print. I think he did it! As an over-achiever, I seem to want to do the same sort of thing... only my goal is about as impossible as it would be today to read every book in print.

And I'm not even sure what my goal is... only I know that I haven't achieved it.

Today I began to imagine what I would like to achieve. I've been imagining, envisioning. I haven't done that for a while. Does that make me more aware of my failure, or give me greater hope for the future? I'm not sure... but it's something I'll be thinking about. It has made me feel lighter. And if you have any insights, I wonder if you'd be willing to share with me?

Until next Thursday....


Natasje7 said...

I feel this way all the time... twice now people have said to me: Just sit and REST. Do nothing...

I can't sit still for two minutes before feeling useless then I have to busy myself.

Sarah Tun said...

Restlessness is something I struggle with - or have been, until recently, when I realized the futility of my efforts (hence this series!).

I've been reading a very good that spoke to me about my inability to sit still! As a self-employed person yourself you might enjoy the benefit of the insights from Gerber's book THE E MYTH.

Thanks so much for tuning in, my effervescent and diligent friend!

Anonymous said...

Sarah, you've touched upon something that probably nags most of us. Coming to a realization that we simply cannot do all that we wish to, or even a tiny fraction of that goal, because there is simply too much that beckons, great books, accomplishing "something" (insert x, y, z here), in the amount of time that we have for actualizing, and most of us spend most of our time on activities that support our family's sustenance, it is a painful realization that it cannot be the way we sometimes envision it to be. I would think that laying down and regarding the lake for a while would be a great remedy to help accept and let go of the desire to accomplish everything, or even a lot. Maybe it's good enough to only accomplish a little, and if we do it in good faith and with the gusto that our Good Lord gave us, that is enough in itself.
I have always found natural environments to be the most healing to my soul and the best contexts in which for me to connect with God and contemplate...reflect...question...understand. Blessings to you and your family and I hope you get many moments under those covers watching the waves move and sparkle this season.
Your friend in the city and not on the lake, Rebecca xo

Sarah Tun said...

"Maybe it's good enough to only accomplish a little, and if we do it in good faith and with the gusto that our Good Lord gave us, that is enough in itself." Powerful, life-giving words, Rebecca.
We have talent we are meant to use, and yet we do have time constraints. It is releasing to hear we can take that measure of time into account when we try to process precisely what we're meant to accomplish.
Today on UCB radio I heard someone say if we're looking to accomplish for ourselves and not for God's glory, He won't be impressed with whatever we achieve. And perhaps recognizing our families as our chief accomplishments will be encouraging to ourselves and to our families, AND release us from much of our sense of frustration.
Thanks so much for contributing!

Jeannie said...

I love this post and the comments so far as well. Sometimes just "being" and resting, not doing, is when our deepest dreams and desires start to make themselves known to us in that small inner voice.

Sarah Tun said...

Oh Jeannie, I so hope! That I could have a sense of direction and meaningful purpose right now, beyond where I'm at, would be v welcome. Thanks for writing in. Your regular responses are so welcome!