There it is in print for all to see. In a nutshell, just what I believe and message to my own sphere of influence. I don't want to settle for the mundane, I don't want anyone to settle for 'mundane'. But I seem to have gone a step further... I don't want to be mundane; and that is my Achilles heel.
For those who may not be familiar with Greek mythology, Achilles was a hero who had infinite strength, who's only weakness was the tendon on his heel. Otherwise, he was impervious to injury or death. Struck by an arrow in his heel though, he died.
For me, making a difference to a significant population is my Achilles heel. I'm staggering right now, by the thought that I might never become a person of influence. I'm chasing my own destiny and I'm not catching it - whatever it is.
On the other hand - and with me there always is an 'other hand' (like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, who is stuck in his decision-making process, seeing many sides to one issue), what really, really matters in this life is not what we achieve but who we are. I've written about it in FREE TO BE . Character is what really matters!
Now it seems I have come to a crisis point and all the rumination in the world may not solve the crisis (see below, Mid Life Crisis - Part 2).
Maybe I need to find the middle ground. Maybe there is a theory that making a difference in the life of a core few is enough to hope for, and to be grateful for. Maybe my reach has simply exceeded my grasp and at the middle of my life I need to realize that. Maybe.
But on the other hand, maybe my destiny is to affect many. And I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.
My head hurts from trying to work out this puzzle: I see my purpose but can't achieve it. I see my desire but cannot fulfill it. What is in the way?
Like Mona Lisa's smile, I have a glimpse of something but I don't know what it means.
... until next Thursday, may you keep seeking your heart and you wrestle with those things you want to do but find difficult to master.
|Mona Lisa photo by Sarah Tun|
END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.
My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
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