Welcome to A Life Examined

What is the examined life? A life worth living! As I look at the road ahead, I take all the baggage from the past and use it as experience - the pain and the passion, the sorrow and the joy - allowing it to carve wisdom into my mind and hope into my spirit.
There is no experience that can't be useful to me at some point in my life. There is no lesson learned that cannot make a contribution to the future.
A tiny drop of water is a part of the ocean. A tiny speck in the night sky is a ginormous star in the distance. It all depends on perspective.
So, this examined life is to offer reflections in the hope of discussing things which are of value to myself and to others.
Love, Sarah

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Desires of the Heart

In this the last post for the "Heart Series" I'd like to begin with this quotation from the Bible:

"He will give you the desires of your heart." Does that mean I am guaranteed that whatever I want I will get? Or if I do not get 'it' does that prove there is no God, or that if He does exist, He's a liar?

The whole of the quote from Psalm 37 goes like this,

"Delight yourself also in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."

So, the receiving of the desires depends on my delighting Him. Hmm, how I do that must be somewhere in the Bible too? I suppose "Love your neighbour as yourself" might be instruction as a means to that delighting. But having the desires must surely depend on my asking or at least knowing what those desires are. Here I must confess that personally, I've had a rather poor track record of knowing - never mind telling - "What I really, really want" (anyone out there a SPICE GIRLS fan?)

What ARE the desires of my heart? Are desires the same as what I want? My ambitions? My goals?

I think that my desires are not really my hopes for notoriety or privacy, for money or acclaim. I think the desires of anyone's heart are less about the tangible rewards of a job well done and more about the people we touch or are touched by. I used to think to have a successful acting career was my desire or what I longed for. But now I see that relationship - love for family and friends, desire to have people close to me, to share thoughts, hopes, fantasies and the regular ups-and-downs of life - is what really matters to me. I wonder for those who say their heart's desire is fame, if behind that want is the need to be loved or to prove to someone 'I am worthy'? I think sometimes we want to please the voices in our heads, voices of people we want to impress or satisfy or prove something to. But is that a desire of our heart? I think not.

In addition to quality relationships, another thing that matters to me is to have a creative outlet. That's why I write. I blog to get folks to hear about my writing, and to build on-line relationships as well. And I write to convey my passions: my God, my values, my quirks and creativity. I try to create characters that have some of the same questions I've had, the same needs and shortcomings that we all wrestle with, and the same demons. I hope my insights will touch others and make this life journey a little clearer for readers. In that sense then, a deep desire in my heart is to make a positive difference to others through my writing.

So, I write and my desire is to have people read what I write. Even my writing is linked to building relationships. To make a living from it would be wonderful, but I do it anyway. If I delight my God, and it is my passion to earn a living from it, then earn a living from my writing I will. But I've lived long enough now to know, that if it isn't my heart's desire, if it isn't a deep-seated need, then I need not focus on it but know Him'll sort me out. You see I've had desires fulfilled that I thought were impossible to be fulfilled, and others I didn't even recognize were within me. I would say I'm blessed indeed that we don't necessarily have to articulate our desires in order to receive them.

We don't always know what we desire or if we do we don't know how to get it. When I was younger, I wanted to find someone I could love forever, and marry. Only after I 'gave up hope' did I finally find my dear husband. I thought I never wanted a child. But now I have a child and he is the greatest source of joy, hope, discovery and creativity I have. I never imagined I would write; journal writing was a very private hobby. Now I have one book published and it has received very good feedback:
And this blog is one of three and is perhaps the most reminiscent of my journal writing.




But none of this was planned or even conscious. My life, along with the fulfillment of the desires of my heart, have manifested more in spite of myself than because of me. I think I was protected against myself. If I'd had what I thought I wanted, by now I'd probably be a lonely public figure. Instead, I am obscure but steady, secure, at peace with myself and loved for - and in spite of - myself.

The desires of my heart have been met and I am grateful.

What matters most to you? Being honest with ourselves is the key to knowing what to ask for, how to go after it, or how to receive it when it is offered.

Until next time ... Thursday 14th March... may you have a lovely time with yourself and those closest to you.

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