Lack of Control produces Feelings of Fear.
Previously in this series looking at Fear, I suggested that control is evidence we are trying to fight fear.
We fear some event or circumstance in the future, and so we attempt to control our situation in order to control the outcome. BUT control is an illusion. We don't have the power to control our circumstances, but only our own attitude to or behaviour in those circumstances. It may seem like a fine point but it is a significant one.
Control is an attempt to shortcut our own frustration or pain. It's a knee jerk reaction to our fear of a situation where we otherwise feel helpless, scared or unable to be effective. But because we haven't absolute power, Control is ultimately futile. We can use control to contain a situation in the short term, but we'll never dominate it in the long run.
Control usually involves other people. Parents of a willful child will punish uncooperative behaviour, but punishment in itself does not destroy the willfulness of the child; it will contain him only in the presence of the parent, or only until he is a teen.
Spouses may dictate or even abuse a partner to get what they want, but it may also lead to isolation, loneliness, loss of intimacy and, eventually, separation.
Control seeks to get what it wants but it destroys the relationship it's trying to hold on to. If we fear another person's attitudes or thoughts, and try to repress them, though this may be an instinctive response, it's the wrong one. It may give the controller what s/he wants immediately, it may achieve superficial compliance, but it will destroy good will and intimacy, trust and mutual respect.
Trying to control others is self-defeating.
What about finding yourself in a situation where someone is trying to control you? Sometimes you are put in a path where a dominating person uses abusive remarks, criticism, or mocking to knock your self confidence or sense of purpose. When that happens - and it usually will at some point - consider it a complement. The other person, in trying to impose, dominate or control you, is demonstrating their fear. You needn't let them get to you. Remember, they haven't any real control over you - you always have a choice to agree, ignore or disagree with them. As you overcome their domination, you will see your character becomes stronger.
Sometimes people will be put in your path to try to control you. While their control is unhealthy, the situation is an opportunity encouraging you to grow. Trust that truth, and watch how you can overcome domination and control simply by being detached from their manipulations and true to yourself.
Until next week... enjoy every encounter and experience, trusting that all has been a part of your journey to becoming who you were created to be.
Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:
END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
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