Welcome to A Life Examined

What is the examined life? A life worth living! As I look at the road ahead, I take all the baggage from the past and use it as experience - the pain and the passion, the sorrow and the joy - allowing it to carve wisdom into my mind and hope into my spirit.
There is no experience that can't be useful to me at some point in my life. There is no lesson learned that cannot make a contribution to the future.
A tiny drop of water is a part of the ocean. A tiny speck in the night sky is a ginormous star in the distance. It all depends on perspective.
So, this examined life is to offer reflections in the hope of discussing things which are of value to myself and to others.
Love, Sarah






Wednesday, 16 October 2013

My "Perfect" Life - Part 20

Speaking of temper... Last entry I wrote about the kitchen chair and my tenancy to maniacal control over it.

(Some of you may have missed last week's post. My apologies to you if you're one who relies on my emailing it to you, b/c I neglected to click on 'send email' and I discovered 'if you miss it, you can't go back'. But the good news is it's still there, just beneath this post. See part 19 of My "Perfect" Life just below.)

Now for Part 20.

My mother told me she had an awful temper until she married my father. Then, she said, very early on in the marriage she made a commitment never to lose her temper with him. I don't know why she did that. But as far as I ever experienced, I never saw her get really angry at my father.

I saw her crying alone a number of times. I don't know why she did that either.

As far as I could ever tell, my mother wasn't a happy person.

Sometimes my mom would cry on car journeys. Did my dad notice? I certainly did. She was in the front passenger seat and I sat behind. Her face would be hidden behind her hand or she'd stare out the window, but I saw. I don't remember ever asking why she was crying or if I could help. I think it was obvious she was trying not to let her sadness show. Certainly, she never made a sound when she cried at these public times.

Why did she cry? Why does any woman cry?

I think she cried because of something my dad said, or failed to say, that she expected he should say (or not say). I think a lot of women cry at times like that. I know I do. If our spouses ever realized just how powerful they are in our hearts they would be surprised.

The Bible says that part of the curse Eve received after she ate 'the forbidden fruit' was that her desire would be for her husband. That could mean a number of things but to me it means, "she really wants what her husband wants, but sometimes she wants something different and tries not to."

That's for your thoughts to get around. If the men could get that round their heads they'd suddenly understand women a whole lot more. 

In My "Perfect" Life, I've found happiness with my hubby. I shout (unlike my mom I never made a promise not to) and I laugh out loud. Sometimes I cry quietly but often I cry loudly. I don't think I deserve this 'perfect' life and I think I'm a whole lot harder on hubby than he is on me. But I'm grateful for what I have and aspire to laugh more and to cry less - or at least more quietly. I aim to make him laugh too, and even, from time to time, to let him make me laugh! (He's convinced he's funny, but I'm not so convinced.)

If you have someone you can express yourself with fully, then you are fortunate indeed. Enjoy the freedom. But if you're like me, you'll aim to calm it down a bit from time to time, for the sake of your someone.

I hope this week finds you well, effervescent in your own unique way. Please remember to look at last week's post too - all about a silly little girl with way too much desire for control.

2 comments:

Jeannie said...

I like your point about enjoying the freedom to be yourself yet choosing to tone it down sometimes for the sake of someone you love. I guess that's what loving sacrificially is all about -- and that's almost a daily requirement in marriage and family life. When we can choose (rather than being forced) to act differently for someone else's sake, in a sense that's real freedom, isn't it? When we're not coerced or judged but can just say, freely, "Yes, I'll do this for you."

Sarah Tun said...

Beautifully put, Jeannie. Thanks for your contribution.