It isn't just the unpacking that I am not looking forward to, or the indoor winter chill that is Spain, because they have no insulation and houses are built to repel heat. It is the sadness of not yet fitting in - of being loved, yet not quite feeling at home and able to receive - that is difficult. And I realize, this is homesickness.
I've never felt homesick before. Never. Not at summer camp as a child, not when I moved to England, nor when I left England after nearly twenty years. Never. But I do now.
It won't last. At least I hope not, because it isn't a nice feeling, and it certainly is not worthy of my attention for a prolonged period of time. I have experienced many wonderful people and sites, since my move to Spain. But heartache isn't easily healed and isn't repaired with logic or psychology. While I've never experienced it before, I think perhaps homesickness is 'fixed' through recognition, imagination and hope.
1. I recognize my state and accept it.
2. I imagine the good and the difficult - the advantages and the disadvantages - of my previous home.
3. I look forward to how I and my family members will grow in our new life, and hope - trust and believe - that the New is full of promise and growth and joy.
There are so many advantages to living in Spain: We are closer to paternal family members, with whom my son can build deeper and lasting relationships. We are nearer to the older and the younger generations of my husband's family. We have sea and mountains to explore, ministry to employ, work and play to discover. And new people.
Relationship is what really moves humanity. We earn a living, we experience hobbies, but it is relationship with others that really touches our hearts as human beings.
I have been missing the landscape and the people that is my homeland of Canada. I have been celebrating family relationships in the UK this past Christmas, after years of being apart. I have been coping with the thought of returning to a new residence - that is not yet home - chiefly because there are not experiences and relationships that have been deepened over time.
Time heals. And in this case, time will reveal the purpose and the plan and the relationships that will grow in this phase of my life and the lives of my husband and son.
I'd like to know my purpose, and to be working and walking in it. But, will it be through this post, some booklet, or through the young people's novel I yearn to complete? Will it be by using past experience or expertise I shelved a long time ago? Or will it take a shape I do not yet imagine? I don't honestly know.
What does the next chapter hold for me? I am ready to turn the page...
Looking backwards, I am gaining perspective, finally. As I have navigated this move to a new country and the changes experienced by my family and myself, I have travelled a road that was sometimes expansive and beautiful: the sort of road that leads to glory.
Often-times though, the road I've travelled along has been narrow and dark with overcast skies.
Now, I see partly, yet more clearly than I have for months. My attitude and my hope helps me to 'walk on water'. With my unpacking on track and my hope and confidence for the future intact, I'm developing a new routine. My feet have some direction as I tread new ground but in comfortable, old shoes.
As we look forward into 2015, may we rise to our challenges, be quick to help others, be certain in our purpose and be joyful in all circumstances.
Best to you for 2015!!
Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:
END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.
My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.