New Beginnings - Part 9 Home & the Reality of Change

A cloud of reality leads me upward, and I realize: I'm scared. I'm also relieved.

First, the scared part: I'm in a new land which is now my home. I couldn't call it home until now, but now the official documents say I'm here. Until recently, I was caught between two worlds, my homeland of Canada and a new start in Spain. I confess I've considered turning back, going home to what I know and love. The thought, "I've been a tourist, perhaps it's time I went home" went through my mind, and I was serious. But now I'm here, to stay, and with that reality, I admit I'm scared.

What am I scared of? It isn't the new language or new orientation or people. It isn't starting over with relationships to build and places to discover. What it is, is having no control. I'm in free-fall and I'm not usually the paratrooper type. I like planes well enough; to stay in them until they're back on the ground is adventure enough. I'm in a new land and have no idea what I'll do with my time from this moment on. Oh, I'll be a mom and wife and companion to people. I reckon I'll continue to write. But what is in store? I've no idea. And though I'm scared of the unknown and what is beyond my control, I am anticipating the positive. So I am scared, but I'm not afraid to fly.

Now, the relieved part: Here I am, living in Spain, with my family. We've lived in 3 countries within 5 years. I've found it difficult to have time to myself over the past few months of transition - the leaving and the arriving both consuming my focus. I have been saying since arriving in Spain: "I've moved" while in my heart of hearts I've only been in trial mode. Now, with my belongings (red tape finally cleared! - see last week's excerpt if you aren't familiar with the reference point) and my family here, it's hard to imagine moving on - again.

So, I'm at peace with this new situation and after a long transition and a few doubts behind me, I'm relieved.

Apart from becoming acquainted with a new language, I have a lot of adjustments to make and a lot of information to digest. Among these adjustments to my changes in circumstance, I need to know: How will my writing be a part of this new life? I feel like it - as well as I - have been in a holding pattern since October. Now, I'm in my own office again - albeit a new one to me - and I have my space and my time to compose. But is there something else to be focusing on, something more immediate or important to the general pulse of the universe that I must do, to ensure I'm playing my part? Truth is, I don't know. That's what scares me, and intrigues me as well.

Me at Work

You see, I see that I'm not really in control anymore. I realize life has moved me on, and at breakneck speed, to a surprising place. There are few moments in my life when I wasn't 'in control' and now I have a feeling I won't have that control any longer.

I want to continue to write. It is a life pulse for me. But what shall I write? And how shall I convey what I've already learned to others? After all, as a teacher once, it's hard to completely turn my back on something that's inside me. So I write, and I talk about writing. And what else?

My family is settling in. Now, it is perhaps my turn to discover what's here for me.

As Christmas approaches, I'd like to complete this cycle of New Beginnings and look toward the festive season and how all things point to another moment in time, one that is and was and will always be outside of ourselves and yet a part of ourselves. We all need love, joy and peace. For me, Jesus is the reason for this upcoming Season; but whether or not it is for you, this season does offer lots of love and joy and peace in little surprising places and moments and faces. As we come upon this Season, may you embrace every opportunity to enjoy those unexpected places, moments and faces.

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

A Journey of Love

Larus Press

Creating, writing and sharing An Examined Life is a journey of love and joy for me. And so it is with excitement and sadness that I've decided to suspend the writing on this forum and transfer my efforts to a newsletter called Soaring Post and the blog, LarusWalk - both in conjunction with my publishing website, www.LarusPress.com. I will continue to post weekly, on Thursdays (I think I was born on a Thursday - must explain my affinity for it!), but contrary to what I initially considered, the content will have a different flavour...

This past year - and even from the time I began posting An Examined Life in 2011 - I have experienced sheer delight. I've learned a tremendous amount about communication, the social network and about myself as I've shared with you. I have loved every moment of writing and posting on this 'wall' and want to thank those who've spoken or written to me, publicly or privately, sparked by this blog.

I'd like to thank Google for creating Blogspot - an easy and effective, reliable forum for blogging. I'd like to thank my niece Rebecca Tun for pointing me in the direction of Blogspot (not to mention her savvy experience and help with my first ever website. And for Jeannie Prinsen who has faithfully, consistently dialogued with me on An Examined Life. Thank you!

I'd like to thank time and space and God for giving me the opportunity to post, simply and easily, my ruminations and cogitations.

I've so enjoyed writing like this.

But as Geoffrey Chaucer claimed in 1374, "All good things must come to an end" and so it seems it's time that creating new posts for A Life Examined comes to an end, in its current form and platform at least. I'll keep the blog alive, because I'll refer to it and point to it now and then, from my website: wwwLarusPress.com . There, I'll be blogging on the blog, LarusWalk, through the four components: LarusWalk Wholeness, LarusWalk Witness, LarusWalk Word and LarusWalk Worship&Warfare... as well as through the newsletter Soaring Press. But while I had originally intended to more-or-less carry on A Life Examined from the website, I realize now it is better to move on to new things, while still preserving the former. I hope I won't lose all of you dear readers... friends I've met face-to-face, friends I may never see. In any case, for whatever I've said that has nurtured you, that touched or encouraged your heart, I'm so glad. That is what I've intended to do: to learn and share and grow together, with you.

I shall post next week and forward a message to you as I have always done, and invite you to look at more of my 'scribbling', this time at LarusWalk. But I will also respect any requests I receive to be removed from the group I've established. Please do let me know if you'd prefer to be removed from my list. As well, if it you have a friend you'd like to have included, ask him/her to look us up: www.LarusPress.com

Wherever this next chapter may take us, may it be illuminating and fun for us all.

Me at my lakeside home on L Ontario 

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.

Mid Life Crisis - Part 6

Writing:

Alan Tun 'wife working'

The single most purposeful thing I've spent the last decade or so on, apart from raising my son, has been my writing. Lately, I've been driving down a road of 'whether-or-not-to-continue' which is what has sparked this mid life crisis series. Recently, I had the blessing of a head-on collision with reality through a series of encounters including excellent tutorials and a couple of private sessions with a kind, learned professor. Thank you, Tim!

I have some talent. I have discovered that to tap that talent and create truly meaningful stories - and what is the point of doing anything less - will take me far more time and much more emotional commitment than I ever imagined. And much more time than I have the head space or real time to commit.

Yet, what is the point of learning if we don't apply? Well, I can apply this reality in one of three ways: I can ignore it and continue to write superficial work that will influence no one. That would be hobby.
I can stop writing fiction as I've not got the time to commit properly. Or I can persevere in light of this new information and eek out the opportunities to write whenever I can. Many other authors start out that way. I love learning. It would be difficult for me to "give up" the last option.

I've been privileged to get out one book (Free To Be) as a full time writer. I'm thankful for that. But that is a very different sort of book. If I want to write, publish and develop an audience through fiction, I'm going to have to do things differently from now on.

Reflecting on last week's post, Brokenness, I realize I have nothing to prove. Though it is possible to ignore that lesson and to persevere in the manner I've been living my life until recently, using whatever tool I can to make my mark in this world, I realize that I'm not an experienced enough fiction writer to create something special enough to achieve what I'd really like to achieve. Ground-breaking fiction for people who will be forever changed in their thinking about themselves, their purpose and the reason for which they were put on this earth, is what I really want to write.

But even more, ground-breaking ideas and opportunities to influence positively, is really what I'm all about. So, I have some decisions to make.

At this time of year, we tend to use year end to make resolutions, commit our direction to new or confirmed pathways. I'm not ready to do that. But what I am able to say is that, whatever path has been set for me, I'm willing to travel. I trust it will be one of interest and usefulness. I hope it will make a contribution to the world. I know it will be of some service to someone. And in that, this wrestling soul finds peace.

I wish you the very best for this new year that is soon to be upon us. May 2014 be a shade brighter, more hopeful and dedicated to serving others more than ourselves.

Until next Thursday, and next year!

Love and God bless to you this week. See you next Thursday... AND:




END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.










My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
Subscribe to our free newsletter, Soaring Post, with issues every Thursday to equip you for your spiritual walk.

See you next Thursday here at A Life Examined.