I've always liked to be busy. Now I realize it's been a form of hiding - of hiding behind doing so that I don't feel too vulnerable or too useless.
Instead, I wonder: What's it like to live with less planning and more spontaneity?
I feel like I'm in free-fall right now. It is a new year and I'm full of desire to live differently, to live as though every moment has a purpose and not to miss its purpose because I'm busy with my own agenda.
I've never parachuted and I'm not interested in doing so. But I reckon I feel as one might feel after jumping out of a plane and falling; I'm floating, drifting in the air. It's the time before pulling the rip chord, safe in midair. That's what I feel like right now.
During this free-fall, I know I'm not going to die. But I've not got anything to hang onto.
I'd like to be able to live this way permanently.... not hanging onto being busy, but instead being available for what is to come.
I hope to live this way: to behave as though I'll land safely, but not to grip on to planning, organizing, volunteering, doing, as I usually do. Instead I'd rather float through time, waiting for what needs to be done at the perfect moment, and to be easy about the meanwhile. That's how I'd like to live from now on.
There's no New Year's Resolution for me. Instead there is a hope and desire to live differently; to abandon old patterns and to live as though today and tomorrow - time - will pass, and that if I release myself to live through time, I'll do the meaningful things life offers me and be available to those around me who need me.
A few years ago, a particular friend of mine died and I hadn't even known she was ill. I'd not seen her for a couple of years and even with internet we'd not been in touch for as long. When I heard the news she had died I was sad, shocked and I learned a valuable lesson from it that forever changed how I live in relation to people. I don't take opportunities to deepen a relationship for granted. I realize that such moments may not be repeated, so I don't let too much time pass, without keeping a friend informed, or without taking an opportunity to connect.
Just as I learned from that experienced and allowed myself to be changed by it, I hope I'll grow through this year's lesson: to live free of the busyness I've allowed to become a habit and a smokescreen for my inability to be vulnerable.
Welcome to 2015 - the year of living free! I've got no chute, I've got no plan, but plenty of ideas, aspirations and longings. May I surrender these, and wait to see what moments come without unnecessary busyness, and how they will lead me to fulfilled purpose.
END NOTE: For those who haven't known me for long, and perhaps for some who have: You might enjoy my other blog:
Life from the Lighthouse -- all about what God shows me when He talks to me and I listen. New posts monthly on the 1st.
My website for the Self Publishing House is www.LarusPress.com where I blog on wholeness, witness, the Word of God and worship & warfare. Larus Press offers Christian-based books, blogs and literature to inspire, encourage, equip and empower your living spirit.
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See you again next Thursday for Part 2 of Living in Free-fall.
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