Have I an eating disorder if I eat when I'm not hungry? Probably. That I snack when I shouldn't? I think so. I'd call it a 'disorder' because there is a pattern not based on physiological necessity but on emotional angst or urge. Self-defined and self-diagnosed, I am guessing that while I'm not particularly overweight (10 pounds should go, but after that, the rest is pure vanity), I do eat to fill a 'hole' inside me that is not in my stomach. I'm a spirit-filled, born again believer, so it isn't a spiritual hole. I'm fasting right now to give space to work it out. I haven't missed food at all during the day, but in the evening, after my son has gone to bed and the house is quiet, the urge to snack becomes very strong and only the fact that I've chosen to fast keeps me from following that urge.
So, I wait, I seek God and I realise -- I want to snack because I feel 'lost'. There is a disconnect between my motivation to resist and my urge to satiate, which tries to stuff itself with snack so I don't feel lost.
Instead, I write a bit to find relief rather than insight, and I sleep..... I awake with resolve to work out my psyche. And so, here I am, working it out. A work-in-progress.
Shall we eat healthy today?!
Sarah
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